The Best Case Scenario

A few months ago a local junior high school girls basketball team made the news when they routed another school 100-0. Dallas Covenant were the winners, and their coach was eventually fired because he refused to apologize for running up the score. http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/localnews/columnists/jfloyd/stories/012409dnmetfloydcovenant.219aee38.html The Hardline, which is the flagship (and highest rated) show on the Ticket (3 PM - 7 PM on 1310 AM The Ticket http://www.theticket.com/ ), challenged this team to a game because they wanted to teach these ladies, as well as their coach, a lesson. The school, obviously trying to keep a low profile after the bad press, politely declined the exhibition match. Now, the most arrogant member of the Ticket, Corby Davidson, has called out every high school in the Dallas area, and another team has accepted. It has basically turned into a real life hypothetical question: could a group of mostly middle-aged men with 3 practices under their belts beat a high school women's team?

THE OPPONENT

Lake Highlands Lady Wildcats contacted the Hardline, formally accepted the challenge, and the game is March 25th at Moody Coliseum on the campus of SMU. Lake Highlands Highschool is 5A (largest ranking in Texas), they were a 2003 Women's Basketball Regional Finalist, and everyone believes that the Lady Wildcats will destroy Team Ticket.



THE HARDLINE

From oldest to youngest, all of which will be starters.

Michael "Grubes" Gruber - 5' 3" - 23ish years old - Unathletic early 20s board operator with significant parental financial backing who uses the computer to play drops, or short pieces of audio (usually quotes from Ticket hosts or celebrities), as well as commercials and promotional clips. His voice usually sounds meek, and he is not known to be an active baller.

Ty Walker - 6' 4" - 28ish years old - Decent athletic ability, though he is slightly overweight, but could be a serviceable big man in this exhibition game. Conditioning could be a major factor with this guy, as his active workout schedule could be nonexistent.

Corby "The Snake" Davidson - 5' 11" - 38 years old - Easily the most athletic member of the Hardline, and co-host, as well as being the driving force behind this entire idea. His original comment, "we could dominate Dallas Covenant," is what got the ball rolling, and he still is the most confident / borderline sexist player on the Team Hardline. He has repeatedly stated that they have the advantage because they are men, and their physical makeup will lead them to victory.

Danny "The Afternoon Cloud" Balis - 6' 3" - 39 years old - Possibly a somewhat former athlete, he is now a skinny producer for the Hardline, Orphanage co-host (Saturday morning comedy show 10 AM - 12 PM), and bass player for the alt-country local band the King Bucks, with a borderline alcohol problem. Not that I am judging. He does own a Texas State Championship Football ring from Knox City where they play 7 on 7 football, and he was probably not a starter. He is the most negative person on the air, and his optimism regarding this game is undetectable to even the most observant listener.

Mike "The Old Gray Wolf" Rhyner - 6' 0" - 58 years old - Founding member of the Ticket, as well as the show's co-host, his best athletic days never occurred, and he will be the single biggest liability in this entire situation. He has a gut, runs with a very short stride that suggests he does not have the motor skills capable of running up or down the court. Doing both is not even a possibility. He is the second least confident player on Team Hardline, and the closest to dying on the court.

COACH / PLAYER - George "Jub Jub" Dunham - 6' 4" - 40 years old - Morning show co-host with above average athletic skills, although he is carrying extra weight. The big man is light on his feet, and has coached the team on basic in-bounds plays. There is no doubt that he will be able to dribble and pass well, as he has shown good fundamentals in previous sports-related Ticket events. In spite of the extra pounds, the Jubinator is easily the second most athletic person who has been connected with this team. His main contribution to the team so far has been confident comments regarding defense alignments and vocal support.

THE BEST CASE SCENARIO

The game will be broadcast on the Ticket starting at 5:30, with Rich Philips and Gordon Keith calling the game, and I will be eagerly listening from the comfort of my home. I think the best case scenario for everyone involved is a tight game, with all the members of the Ticket showing their skills. The Ticket has recently announced that they will be allowed to have the other show hosts as subs, so add the proven skills of Bob Sturm and Craig Miller, and the Ticket should have enough fire power to balance out the scrubs like Grubes and Rhyner. I think if this game is close late, look for the Ticket to put in all their big guns, like Sturm, Walker, Balis, Davidson, and Miller. While that lineup only features 2/5 of the Hardline, it is also a squad that should stomp a girl's high school basketball team. Give me the Ticket winning a close one late 45-40.