Thursday, August 13, 2009

Judas Priest - Concert Review

A week or two ago Jerry asked me if I wanted to go to see Judas Priest with him. I said "they are playing the same night as the first Cowboys pre-season game!" Looking back on that statement I freaking laugh, because what I saw tonight was the pioneers of metal, and what I missed in the Cowboys game was basically nothing. Thank you Jerry for "making" me go.

This tour for Judas Priest represents the 30th anniversary of their breakthrough album British Steel, which includes their hit song "Breaking The Law." Even Beavis and Butthead know that song. The band played the entire album, front to back, to start the show, and oh my goodness what a way to begin.

I am astounded at how current the songs on this album sound, and the guitar players (Kenneth "K.K." Downing - age 57, and Glenn Tipton - age 61) must have downtuned since this 1980 release, because it sounded heavy as f*ck. There is also no doubt that they have influenced every single thrash metal band that has come out after them, because the hard driving, chugging riffs sound very familiar to me. Certain songs, like "Living After Midnight," have been completely stolen (listen to Motley Crue's "She's Got Looks That Kill" and tell me they didn't rip Priest off), while the general sound of the band has become the format for everyone from Metallica to Quiet Riot.

I would also say that the band is not just a one hit wonder, because their new(er) songs sound relevant and hard. Even the lead singer, Rob Halford, now 57, delivered an extremely entertaining show, while the dualing guitar players are clearly the backbone to this dynasty. I barely even drank during the show because I was too focused on head-nodding, and that is saying something.

One minute after entering Nokia Theater, and at our first beer stand, a woman with zebra pants is standing in front of us. Nothing says 80s metal more than that.

Nokia Theater in Grand Prairie, Texas, holds a maximum of 6,000 people. I would guess that the crowd was around 4,000. Jerry and I paid $15.00 each, plus Ticketmaster (rape) surcharges, but I managed to find a way to get us to the $60 seats without a problem.

The entire show was full throttle, including the sound (my ears were cloudy at the end), and the stage theatrics. Clearly bands like Slipknot and Marilyn Manson have borrowed a thing or two from these guys.

As always, the classy ladies of metal decided to wear their skimpiest. This picture was taken as I was walking back from the restroom, and all I asked was "ladies, could you pose for a picture?" It was like no one had already asked them this question.

Near the end, after they already told us "goodnight," yet failed to turn the lights on, Rob Halford rolled out on a cruiser to play the last few songs.

All in all, I would give this show at least an 8 out of 10. It really was awesome.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Messing Around At Work

This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I occasionally pull pranks on my friend and co-worker Ken while at the office. I was recently introduced to an idea involving a toilet paper roll and a person’s office by a friend, so I have stolen this concept and put it in action at my place of employment.

Attack # 1

Ken is sitting at his desk and watching a video of his arch rival Nancy Pelosi while a roll of toilet paper sits on his shelf in the upper left hand corner of this picture. He did not notice the roll of TP for at least a week when another co-worker decided to put a toner cartridge up there that got his attention and ended the prank.

Attack # 2

Haha! Number two. Get it? Anyway, this is on the other side of Ken's office, where the toilet paper roll again sat for another week without Ken noticing. This is on a different set of shelves where Ken stores his books that he never reads, but likes to have on a shelf to make him feel smart. The only books I have at work are more commonly referred to as magazines, and they are stored below the sink in the restroom.

Attack # 3

I think this one was the best so far, as the roll of toilet paper is now sitting behind a picture of Ken's friends / customers from Norway. He literally had to walk right past this every single time he went in and out of his office, although again he did not notice it for at least a week. I finally sent him the following picture via e-mail with the subject line "I Am Watching You" and he finally discovered it. Credit to fellow co-worker Kim for the idea of putting the Geico eyes on top of it.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

"Cyborg" Santos Dominates Akano - Carano Is Next

Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos is the most impressive female MMA striker I have ever seen, and she dominated Hitomi Akano in a 3rd round TKO victory on the return of female MMA to national TV on Showtime's Strikeforce on Saturday, April 11th, 2009. "Cyborg" showed combination punching power, and Akano displayed an incredible chin, which also means that she got hit a lot.

The opening seconds of the fight confirmed everything that I thought about "Cyborg" Santos. She is the most powerful, strongest, and devastating, striker that I have seen in female MMA. Santos came in 7 pounds overweight at the weigh-ins on Friday, but she claimed after the fight that she had a "girl problem," and this night would be the first, and last, time that she came in overweight to a fight. In spite of the weight differential, Santos actually looked 30 pounds stronger than Akano, and nothing would change that throughout the fight.

Seconds into the first round, "Cyborg" landed kicks and punches on Akano's face that snapped her head back, and caused Akano's bob-cut hairdo to fly like a cement truck just hit a salon. Santos literally threw Akano around, and then suplexed her to the mat for side control. Akano used this opportunity to go for an armbar, her signature submission move, but Santos was just too strong, as she got out of danger and then dropped bombs from both hands after posturing up in Akano's guard. Santos then forced Akano to stand up, where Akano attempted a kick, which was caught by Santos and followed by a strong right hand punch that landed right on Akano's mouth. After the round, a winded Akano slowly walked over to her corner where Josh Barnett did as much as he could during the break.

The start of the second round had Santos stalking Hitomi, landing a nice high right kick and some punches. Akano attempted a double leg takedown, but "Cyborg" shoved it off like Akano was a kid. Santos did use the situation to land a few snapping punches to the grounded Akano's head. After the two fighters were back on their feet, Akano landed a nice left jab, which angered Santos and caused a flurry of punches, followed by a Muay Thai clinch and several knees to the body. These appeared to take the rest of whatever wind was left in Akano, as she backed toward the cage with her arms down. Cristiane stepped to her, and Akano went for a jumping armbar attempt, which was met with a blistering left hand to the grill. This desperate move left "Cyborg" in Akano's guard, and the final 1:15 of the second round were all punches landed on Akano's face, which was pinned up against the cage. I must give Akano credit, after all that punishment, she got up and walked to her corner like it was just another day at the office.

Round three kicked off with another desperate submission attempt by Akano, as she went for a rolling leg lock, but missed Santos' leg. The crowd at the HP Pavilion, also known as the Shark Tank to hockey fans, booed loudly as the move looked a little silly as Akano was left laying on her back while Santos backed up and waited for her to stand up. When she did, it was all over. Santos rushed in with punches flying from all directions, and 4 vicious right hand punches, including a nasty uppercut, dropped Akano to the mat and the referee stopped the bout while "Cyborg" climbed the cage to celebrate.

Before, during, and after the fight the ringside cameras showed Gina Carano, and after the match Santos was asked if she wanted to fight her. Santos said that she wants the belt, and if Carano is who Strikeforce wants her to face, she will "take her down." I am a big fan of Carano for more than one reason, and the crowd at the HP Pavilion went nuts every time she appeared on the jumbotron, but I fear that she will get mauled by Santos. However, it will be the biggest fight in female MMA history, and the rumor is that this bout will take place in August.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Best Case Scenario

A few months ago a local junior high school girls basketball team made the news when they routed another school 100-0. Dallas Covenant were the winners, and their coach was eventually fired because he refused to apologize for running up the score. The Hardline, which is the flagship (and highest rated) show on the Ticket (3 PM - 7 PM on 1310 AM The Ticket ), challenged this team to a game because they wanted to teach these ladies, as well as their coach, a lesson. The school, obviously trying to keep a low profile after the bad press, politely declined the exhibition match. Now, the most arrogant member of the Ticket, Corby Davidson, has called out every high school in the Dallas area, and another team has accepted. It has basically turned into a real life hypothetical question: could a group of mostly middle-aged men with 3 practices under their belts beat a high school women's team?


Lake Highlands Lady Wildcats contacted the Hardline, formally accepted the challenge, and the game is March 25th at Moody Coliseum on the campus of SMU. Lake Highlands Highschool is 5A (largest ranking in Texas), they were a 2003 Women's Basketball Regional Finalist, and everyone believes that the Lady Wildcats will destroy Team Ticket.


From oldest to youngest, all of which will be starters.

Michael "Grubes" Gruber - 5' 3" - 23ish years old - Unathletic early 20s board operator with significant parental financial backing who uses the computer to play drops, or short pieces of audio (usually quotes from Ticket hosts or celebrities), as well as commercials and promotional clips. His voice usually sounds meek, and he is not known to be an active baller.

Ty Walker - 6' 4" - 28ish years old - Decent athletic ability, though he is slightly overweight, but could be a serviceable big man in this exhibition game. Conditioning could be a major factor with this guy, as his active workout schedule could be nonexistent.

Corby "The Snake" Davidson - 5' 11" - 38 years old - Easily the most athletic member of the Hardline, and co-host, as well as being the driving force behind this entire idea. His original comment, "we could dominate Dallas Covenant," is what got the ball rolling, and he still is the most confident / borderline sexist player on the Team Hardline. He has repeatedly stated that they have the advantage because they are men, and their physical makeup will lead them to victory.

Danny "The Afternoon Cloud" Balis - 6' 3" - 39 years old - Possibly a somewhat former athlete, he is now a skinny producer for the Hardline, Orphanage co-host (Saturday morning comedy show 10 AM - 12 PM), and bass player for the alt-country local band the King Bucks, with a borderline alcohol problem. Not that I am judging. He does own a Texas State Championship Football ring from Knox City where they play 7 on 7 football, and he was probably not a starter. He is the most negative person on the air, and his optimism regarding this game is undetectable to even the most observant listener.

Mike "The Old Gray Wolf" Rhyner - 6' 0" - 58 years old - Founding member of the Ticket, as well as the show's co-host, his best athletic days never occurred, and he will be the single biggest liability in this entire situation. He has a gut, runs with a very short stride that suggests he does not have the motor skills capable of running up or down the court. Doing both is not even a possibility. He is the second least confident player on Team Hardline, and the closest to dying on the court.

COACH / PLAYER - George "Jub Jub" Dunham - 6' 4" - 40 years old - Morning show co-host with above average athletic skills, although he is carrying extra weight. The big man is light on his feet, and has coached the team on basic in-bounds plays. There is no doubt that he will be able to dribble and pass well, as he has shown good fundamentals in previous sports-related Ticket events. In spite of the extra pounds, the Jubinator is easily the second most athletic person who has been connected with this team. His main contribution to the team so far has been confident comments regarding defense alignments and vocal support.


The game will be broadcast on the Ticket starting at 5:30, with Rich Philips and Gordon Keith calling the game, and I will be eagerly listening from the comfort of my home. I think the best case scenario for everyone involved is a tight game, with all the members of the Ticket showing their skills. The Ticket has recently announced that they will be allowed to have the other show hosts as subs, so add the proven skills of Bob Sturm and Craig Miller, and the Ticket should have enough fire power to balance out the scrubs like Grubes and Rhyner. I think if this game is close late, look for the Ticket to put in all their big guns, like Sturm, Walker, Balis, Davidson, and Miller. While that lineup only features 2/5 of the Hardline, it is also a squad that should stomp a girl's high school basketball team. Give me the Ticket winning a close one late 45-40.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

New Music Tuesday

Tuesday is an underrated day of the week, because it is the day that CDs and DVDs are released. The "street date" if you are in the know, or nerdy enough to care about music industry terms. This Tuesday the world is blessed by a new album from Lamb Of God, next Tuesday is The Prodigy's release date, and these two bands have a lot more in common (fighting band members, substance abuse problems) than you might think.


Lamb Of God are ranked # 3 on my Best Active Metal Bands list, and they are releasing their first album in almost 3 years, the highly anticipated Wrath. With the band's inner turmoil over, and lead vocalist Randy Blythe now clean and sober, the technical thrash metal titans had an advantage over their old selves while recording this new studio album. I *spoke* with their drummer, Chris Adler, and he told me "this album is going to surprise a lot of people. Typically bands that get to where we are in our career begin to slack off, smell the roses and regurgitate. We chose a different path. No one wants to hear another band member hyping a new record. ‘Wrath’ needs no hype. We have topped ourselves and on February 24 you will feel it." Oh indeed.

I have to agree with my buddy Chris, as this new album is incredible, and surprising. The opening track is an instrumental featuring acoustic guitars, and the final track is almost 7 minutes long with more acoustic guitars and audible ocean waves. Between the two are a bunch of thrash metal gifts wrapped in barbed wire and thumbtacks, especially "The Contractor" and the new catchphrase lyric "guaran-f*ckin'-teed, someone will bleed!" This album is rough and brutal, but for the metal fan, those descriptions are a good thing. It is even being called "career-defining" by the AV Club . If I were you, I would go out and buy this album today! I *aquired* the album 2 weeks ago, and I got my actual hard copy during lunch.

Chris Adler, John Campbell, Randy Blythe, Willie Adler, and Mark Morton


The Prodigy are another band that through the years has had to fight in order to remain alive. Their last album, the oft-dissed yet much listened to by this reporter, Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned, featured only mastermind Liam Howlett out of the group members. Now, with the bickering done and rehab completed, Maxim Reality and Keith Flint make their return to complete The Prodigy, and Invaders Must Die is set for release on March 3rd, 2009.

The album gets off to an impressive start with the title track, as a 30 second buildup starts, followed by the Speak-And-Spell voice announcing that "we are The Prodigy." Then the big beat techno kicks in, and everyone with a pulse is car-dancing, seat-dancing, or actual real dancing, like in the privacy of their kitchen with their shoes off so you can slide around in your socks with the linoleum floor. I'm just saying. Anyway, the next couple of songs continue what the guys do best, hard techno beats with the occasional short samples and vocals by Keith Flint and Maxim Reality. Even Dave Grohl makes a guest appearance on Run With The Wolves, playing the drums while Keith Flint sneers. Damn near every song is a standout, and they range from the rave techno style, to hard techno meets electro clash rock, to the finisher which is basically rap techno with a deadly horn riff that will stay in your head for a couple of days. I freaking love it. Go buy it next Tuesday!

Maxim reality, Keith Flint, and Liam Howlett

The Prodigy - Invaders Must Die

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I Hate Cold Weather

Today is Tuesday, January 27th, 2009, and it is actually somewhat cold here in the Dallas / Fort Worth metroplex, as the high temperature today was 32f (proof global cooling exists!) and it sort of sprinkled. Of course, this is relative, because in most of North America this weather would be a mild winter day. However, the weather projections last night on the news were "ice storms," but I have not seen any ice. Actually I can count on one hand the number of times there has been ice on the ground in DFW since I moved here over 12 years ago. Sidebar: one New Year's Eve it iced really bad, and I spent the night at Kurt's house. Things "worked out" for me in his hot tub with a young lady named Gabriella or something. Anyway. Last Friday the high was 77f (proof global warming exists!), so we don't really suffer much during the winter months, but I still complain.

The complaint is about the other people in the DFW area. They overreact like we have just been hit by a blizzard, when really, nothing has happened. Less than a year after I moved here, it snowed about 1/4 of an inch, and they closed schools all over the metroplex. People came in late to work because they "couldn't even get out of their driveway," which was a lie because I lived in an apartment, and my car was uncovered. I barely turned the defroster on and the snow melted away so quickly that I loudly accused the flakes of being imposters.

The meteorologists in the area predicted "ice storms," and we got mist. That did not stop 200+ organizations from closing or postponing after school activities for fear of the ice. Tomorrow is really supposed to be bad, because "ice threatens DFW," or that is at least what Jennifer Lopez of NBC claims. Check out the current forecast:

NBC 5 Forecast Ice Threatens DFW.
Updated 7:18 AM CST, Tue, Jan 27, 2009

An Ice Storm Warning is in effect for the Metroplex and all of North TX through Wednesday morning. Temperatures will be falling into the upper 20's by the afternoon. Moisture will move in from the south and west throughout the day and night and come up & over these 20's readings and freezing rain is expected to fall. This could cause ice to build up on power lines, roads, overpasses, etc.
TUESDAY: PM Freezing Rain Likely . 4pm:28 Winds: N 15-25mph
TUESDAY NIGHT: Freezing Rain expected. Low:25
WEDNESDAY: AM Freezing Rain, turning drier by the afternoon. . Low: 25. High 44.

Liar, sensationalist, fear monger

High of 44f?! I guess why I hate the cold is not really because it inconveniences me, but because it becomes the number one story in the area, when really the bad weather barely even exists. I WANT BAD WEATHER. I WANT TO STAY HOME FROM WORK AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES. It just sucks when they promise doom and gloom, and all we get is gloom. Come on clouds, ice this bitch!

This was a really bad weather day back on Thursday, November 30th, 2006. It snowed half an inch.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

My Top 10 Albums Of 2008

I am a huge music fan, and some major albums came out during the calendar year, including releases from legends. Please check out my list and feel free to disagree, or even sample some of their music with the handy links I have provided.

1 – The Raconteurs – Consolers Of The Lonely – March 25th

When I got the idea to do this post, there was no doubt that this album was going to be # 1. This is the second album from The Raconteurs, which features Jack White from the White Stripes, and three other ringers who I never heard of before they joined up with Mr. White. Consolers is a complete album, that ranges from classic rock, to sweet, to borderline country, to hard rock. These guys have it all, and when Jack White trades falsetto verses with Brendan Benson, they are almost like rappers passing the mic. My favorite song is Five on the Five, which is a rocker!! Every song on this album is fantastic. Check them out at

2 – Slipknot – All Hope Is Gone – August 20th

The masked metal band from Iowa dropped another bomb on the world with this one, and this album has some serious heat. It starts off with a typical one minute intro, featuring the garbled vocals of Corey Taylor ranting, which leads into the brutal Gematria (The Killing Name). Gematria is clearly a sarcastic song that should be taken as anti-war, but to some listeners (like myself) it comes off as bad-ass pro-war. Lyrics such as "we will burn your city down, America is a killing name" sound like Mr. Taylor is criticizing the U.S. for a shoot first attitude, but to me it also sounds like they are threatening other countries with certain fire if the offenders do not obey. The next two songs Sulfur, and Pyschosocial, continue the thrash, but the real surprise is track # 5, Dead Memories, which is basically a ballad and provides a nice break in the action. The rest of the album continues this pace, several brutal songs in a row, then something soft (like track # 11 Snuff), followed up by pure aggression, including the finisher and title track All Hope Is Gone. Mick Thompson and James Root (guitars) play like their hair is on fire, and Joey Jordison (drums), in spite of the substance abuse problem he overcame during the recording, is once again the MVP for the rhythmic backbone he provides. This is the death / thrash metal hybrid stuff that I love, and no one does it better (in my opinion). Hear more at

3 – Girl Talk – Feed The Animals – June 19th

The genius that is Gregg Gillis decided to "give" away his album for whatever you wanted to pay ala Radiohead, and what a gift. This mashup is even better than his last album, and shows that Girl Talk AKA Mr. Gillis is just going to continue improving until all other mashup DJs quit. The man takes 300+ samples and somehow works them all into a flow of songs. It is really hard to explain, you just have to hear it. My favorite moment is when he combines the innocent Lil Mama song Lip Gloss with Metallica's iconic thrash from One. If you want to dance then click here

4 – Cavalera Conspiracy – Inflikted – March 24th

When word of this album started circulating on, I could not wait to hear what it would produce. For those not in the know, brothers Max (guitar) and Igor Cavalera (drums) formed the Brazilian metal band Sepultura back in the early 80s, and their albums continue to inspire bands today. However, something caused the two brothers to stop speaking back in 1996, and Sepultura broke up. Max went on to form Soulfly, one of the best bands in the world. In 2007 Max and Igor got on the phone and hashed things out. They then decided to drop one of the roughest thrash metal albums, which features Marc Rizzo (guitar) from Soulfly, and Joe Duplantier (bass) from Gojira. A month or so before the album was released, samples on MySpace came out and salivating started. The lead single, Inflikted, showed that they had dynamite, and the rest of the album followed suit. I was so impressed and am so nerdy that I pre-ordered the CD and got an autographed copy. So worth it. Get your ears blasted at

5 – Metallica – Death Magnetic – September 12th

The legends of metal are back with their best album since And Justice For All. This is pure greatness, and the addition of Robert Trujillo on bass did not hurt. If anything, it helped them get back to the type of music they were playing on Master of Puppets and Ride the Lightning. Excellent work Metallica! Oh by the way Lars, I downloaded this album for free before it was even released. In your face! You can't stop the internet Lars!! Make friends with Metallica at

6 – Lil Wayne – Tha Carter III – June 10th

A few years ago I hated this guy, and really didn't think he had any rap skills. Now, a few years later, and he has greatly improved. Along with broadening his subject material, Lil Wayne AKA Lil Weezy AKA Dewayne Carter took his abilities to an entirely different level with Tha Carter III. "A Milli" is one of the best rap songs I have heard in a long time, and it features some witty rhymes like "I'm a young money millionaire, tougher than Nigerian hair." The song "Phone Home" is another standout that is not the norm when you think of Weezy. Total complete great album. Hit up Wayne at

7 – Soulfly – Conquer – July 23rd

Max Cavalera, hot off of the success that is Cavalera Conspiracy, and feeling confident for appearing on my list twice, found some inspiration from the recording of that album and just went f*cking nuts on this Soulfly album. One listen to the songs and you can hear a revitalized sound, more groove metal and thrash breakdowns, less high pitched guitars. The tribal sounds are still there, which make for great interludes to balance out the heavy. Check it out at

8 – Guns N’ Roses – Chinese Democracy – November 23rd

Holy cow, this album actually came out. 15 years after their last studio album, GNR comes back with one of the more epic albums of their career. Well, I guess for Axl Rose's career, since he is the only guy from the original line-up who is still in the band. Anyway, the songs are fantastic, beautiful creations that frequently have huge ranges from hard rock, to soft falsetto, to incredible lead guitar parts. You might accuse Axl of over-producing these songs, because if you read the credits you will see 5 guitar players credited on almost every song, but the fact is that Axl is a genius (musically) and this album is their best outside of Appetite For Destruction. Offer Axl a rail at

9 - Hollywood Undead - Swan Songs - September 2nd

This is a guilty pleasure of the highest order. These hockey masked rappers mix misogynistic party rap vocals with R&B hooks, and do it over rock-rap beats. Danny Lohner from Nine Inch Nails even helped produce some of their more badass songs, although Deuce The Producer, who also sings the hooks for every song, is quite a good beat-maker as well. Charlie Scene does such a good job of impersonating Eminem that I don't hold it against him, since he sounds better than the real Slim Shady has in years. This really sounds like Eminem meets Linkin Park. Get your boogie on at

10 - AC/DC - Black Ice - October 10th

Another legend that released a bomb ass album during 2008, and they sound as great as ever. The band just sounds classic no matter what, and the vocals are surprisingly the same as back in the day. Solid album of classic rock.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I Fucking Love The Game Of Hockey

What's up internets? I fucking love the game of hockey, and I thought I would take the time to tell you about how that love started, developed, and has now pretty much turned into an obsession.

Once upon a time not long ago, when people wore pajamas and lived life slow, a few years after the move to Dallas was done, the Dallas Stars went on a serious playoff run. They even made it all the way to the Stanley Cup Finals, where they played against the Buffalo Sabres, who they just so happen to be facing tonight. So that summer of 1999 I watched my first full hockey games. I always saw highlights on Sportscenter before, but I never really sat down and watched a full game, or gave the sport a chance. I watched all 6 of those games, including the final one which took 3 overtimes and saw Dallas Stars good strong player man Brett Hull score a goal (his skate was in the crease though, which at the time would have nullified the goal, now it doesn't matter) to win the Cup! In each of those games I loved how the goals pretty much could be scored at anytime, and when they did it was a huge explosion of emotion from all the fans. I quickly found myself jumping out of my chair and throwing my fists in the air while screaming "yes!" The puck is so hard to control, plus all the guys are on fucking skates, so with all those things working against scoring, when the puck actually goes in the fucking net it is scream worthy. It is kind of like a full release. Anyway, that was the start.

Soon I found myself watching hockey a little more, and on a somewhat regular basis. I really love the quick, constant action, the hitting, the skilled shooting and passing, oh and did I mention the fighting? Add in the hard rock that is usually played during timeouts, I mean could you come up with more of a formula for having me as a fan? If only they threw in some eye candy... oh wait the Stars have Ice Girls who clean up the goal area during breaks, and they now even have cheerleaders with pom-poms! Anyway, there are a good amount of hockey fans in the Dallas, but nowhere near the level of the other major sports. So that Championship 1999 season progressed from maybe watching 10 games the next year, to half of the season a few years later and even going to a few games with Jerry. Now I watch every single one of the 82 regular season games, and really have for the last couple of years. At Ticketstock last year I lucked into an autograph ticket for Brenden Morrow, who is my favorite player on the Stars, so I got my 8 x 10 glossy signed, and he gave me a pound because we are boyz. See, I am so nerdy now that I am wearing my Stars warm-up jersey because it is game night! Like I am going or something. I have been several times, and the last game I saw was November 22nd, 2008, and the seats I had, though expensive, were the best ever at the new arena (Ken and I went around 2000 and had awesome dead center seats back at Reunion Arena).

Check out my refrigerator! Julia and Spencer, my niece and nephew, Lorena (Jerry's daughter), Sara and Iain (my sister and her baby-daddy), and of course Brenden Morrow!

Brenden Morrow and I. Do you think he agreed to do stuff like this when he signed his NHL contract?

Anyway, it has taken a new step now, because I received EA Sports NHL '09 from Diana, my sister (thanks D!), and I am playing the shit out of this fucking game! Plus I am bad-ass!! And I am even filming me play on my Flip Video camera that I got Rebecca (thanks Rebs!). I feel like a NASCAR driver giving shout outs to my corporate sponsors. Or like I am winking ala Fake Sarah Palin, all like turing to the side and hip-checking the camera with a wink from behind my glasses. I would use those those stupid smiley faces or whatever, but real men don't use emoticons. Nevertheless, right now I believe I am like 25-0, and I am playing on the Rookie Level, but I haven't played a hockey video game since Blades of Steel back in the early 90s. I still find myself lost on the ice at times because I never played the actual game, as a matter of fact I can't even skate very well in real life. However, in the cyber world I am ninja. So please watch the YouTube clip below of me playing my new video game.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Last night I walked into my familiar haunt, Rob's Billiards, and the first person I saw was William. He was sitting down eating some Pizza Hut, and had his light saber on the table, sheathed. I cautiously said hello, went to the bar to get some beer, and returned to the table for some polite conversation. We exchanged pleasantries, talked about the TV show 24, and discussed the blandness of his "Natural" Pizza Hut pie. Jerry soon walked in, and we merged over to the pool table for battle.

William and I played first, while I was still telling Jerry about the new (hed) P.E. album, and my friend / co-worker Ken thinking that the song Institutionalized was by GBH instead of Suicidal Tendencies. I wasn't really focused, but I did have a nice run to start the game, and soon I was on the 8 ball. I made a critical mistake, scratched, lost the first game, and surrendered control of the table. However, I was strangely calm, and unconcerned. I shook William's hand, and watched him destroy Jerry. Now it was time for revenge.

In the next 5 or 6 games against William, I did not lose. In fact, there were several games where he had 4 or 5 balls still left on the table after I sank the 8 ball. He was playing well, and a couple of the games ended with nothing left on the table other than the cue ball. I, on the other hand, was on fire. Banks, cuts, combos, it didn't matter, everything was dropping for me. After being handed 5 or 6 losses in a row, William decided that he had to get home to watch "House." Although, he did concede that I had the eye of the tiger, and I had raised my game since the other day. Revenge is mine, and I am back to being the Alpha male of the pool table!

BONUS STORY: So after the destruction of William, I routed Jerry 4 games to zero on the foosball table. Jerry and I went to the bar to sit and enjoy the rest of our pitcher. A woman walked into the bar asking people if they wanted to buy a rose to benefit a family who recently lost their home to a fire. Now I saw this same blonde, overly made-up, 50 something woman in the bar on Sunday, and she was telling the same story. I became suspicious, and decided that when she was on her way out, I had a couple of questions for her. So after she sold some roses to Trista, and a couple of other ladies in the bar, I asked her to come over. "Are you selling these roses for charity?" I asked. "Yes," she answered. "Do you have a tax write-off or tax deduction receipt for me if I purchase one of these roses?" "I sure don't, but I will bring some next time." What a liar, and what a horrible person. Why not just sell the roses? You don't have to add the story about a family who lost their home to a fire, and you don't need to lie about working for a charity. Watch for a future posting regarding liar rose lady, as the next time I see her, I will follow her around everywhere asking those same questions over and over until she leaves.

Saturday, January 10, 2009


At work we do not regularly bring in HAZMAT (hazardous material) packages because we are not HAZMAT certified. Basically what that means is no one at our company has gone through the certification class, so if you sell a HAZMAT part, we normally ship it from our vendor straight to the customer. Bringing it into the office means that we have to hire another company to take it off of our hands (literally) and ship it to the customer. This week Ken, my friend and co-worker, for some unknown reason, brought a HAZMAT and corrosive package into the air that I breathe every Monday through Friday. I like to clown around a little bit at the office, but I was seriously hiding behind doorjams and walking on the outside edges of hallways to keep the distance between corrosive metals and my eyes as great as possible.

What was he thinking?

Now then, the second most important thing to remember about a HAZMAT package, if you do choose to bring it into your facility, is that you SHOULD NOT OPEN IT!! What the hell? What is in there that you could possibly need? Well, the answer is certification for our records. I was still against this, as maybe we could have called the customer and asked them to fax us a copy after they received it. Whatever, Ken ignored my advice (look at the whiteboard in the background), and went on with taking a blade to the package. I took this picture and then ran to my desk where I hid for the remainder of the day. I guess the freight forwarder we used has the ability to seal the package after they take it from us. We all survived, and there have been no side effects from the exposure (yet).

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I Fucking Love The Game Of Pool

I fucking love the game of pool. There is no way around that. I love the competition, strategy, the power, the touch (which I use better than most, thank you Uncle Scott Pruner R.I.P.), and the victories. It is a game where no matter what your size or gender, you are able to either be bad-ass, or suck-ass. At Rob's Billiards, my only rivals are Trista, the female bartender who beats me as much as I beat her (she does work at the fucking place), Jerry (who has been my rival for at least 6 years), Ray (who is the baddest bank shot artist of all-time), Terrell (the 9 ball ninja), and Kyle (the KMFDM fan, and also a 9 ball ninja). Now there is a new arch-enemy by the name of William. Against most of the above, I am over .500. Seriously, before tonight my worst record is against Trista, and she and I go 50 / 50 every time we play. Tonight was a different story.

Jerry uses the bridge

I started off playing against Terrell, a buddy from the bar. He has been off of work for a couple of weeks, and away from the pool tables for the same amount of time, so when we played, he was rusty. I beat him at least 5-0. However, at about game 3, a man named William came up and sat down to eat his Subway combo meal. Now, I met William a few weeks ago, but I believe that we played pool against each other for the first time last night. You might remember that as the night where I took pictures of me throwing the Horns down, and a sweet young lady by the name of Theo joining me for the photo opps. Anyway, after all those drinks and the games of foosball against Jerry, I played against my new arch-rival, William. He beat me last night at least 4-0. I don't remember how close I was, but I would guess he crushed me. Tonight was a different story.

Ray uses the bridge

Kyle uses the bridge

I beat Terrell pretty badly, and he walked away saying that he did not want to play anymore. William asked if he could play the winner, and that was me. I won the first game against him, but barely. He won the next 3 games in a row, and they were all close. I am not trying to say that makes a difference, because a W is a fucking W. He won the custom stick he was playing with in a tournament up at Rob's, and it is a quality cue. I, on the other hand, am playing with a "house stick," or in other words, the stick he uses to break with. So his stick is too good to take the beating of breaking the balls up. That is not a compliment to the sticks up at Rob's, because back in the day, you used to be able to pick one off the wall and it was true. Now, shit is like a handicapped hooker. You are not sure if she is going to rob you of an honest good time, or treat you like the $40 big baller that you are. Anyway, I won a second game against William, and it felt like a relief. Why? Because Jerry, Terrell, and I were watching the game, and he was obviously so good that it took everything I had to even get that second victory. In the end, William came out on top 4 games to 2, and I have to say that he is probably the best player I have faced. He won another game though, so that left me saying "I give up," and wondering "what does this man do for a living?" After asking him that question a few minutes later, I learn that he is a Geometry and math teacher at some high school in the area. WTF?! I am just saying. I think that his knowledge of angles, banks, and English (cue ball action for those not in the know), give him a significant advantage. Anyway, he said that my game caused him to "stay sharp," and that almost pissed me off. He and I were very respectful though, so he walked off knowing that I would face him another time, and at the same place. I promised him that I was going to practice, train, stretch out, and work out so that the next time we played, it would not be so one-sided. I will defeat him soon, and you will see that shit on YouTube. Believe it.